The Rainbow-虹(英文版)

第87部分 (第6/7頁)

〃And　you'll　feel　so　righteous；　governing　them　for　their　own

good。　Who　are　you；　to　feel　righteous？　What　are　you　righteous

about；　in　your　governing？　Your　governing　stinks。　What　do　you

govern　for；　but　to　make　things　there　as　dead　and　mean　as　they

are　here！〃

〃I　don't　feel　righteous　in　the　least；〃　he　said。

〃Then　what　do　you　feel？　It's　all　such　a　nothingness；

what　you　feel　and　what　you　don't　feel。〃

〃What　do　you　feel　yourself？〃　he　said。　〃Aren't　you　righteous

in　your　own　mind？〃

〃Yes；　I　am；　because　I'm　against　you；　and　all　your　old；　dead

things；〃　she　cried。

She　seemed；　with　the　last　words；　uttered　in　hard　knowledge；

to　strike　down　the　flag　that　he　kept　flying。　He　felt　cut　off　at

the　knees；　a　figure　made　worthless。　A　horrible　sickness　gripped

him；　as　if　his　legs　were　really　cut　away；　and　he　could　not　move；

but　remained　a　crippled　trunk；　dependent；　worthless。　The　ghastly

sense　of　helplessness；　as　if　he　were　a　mere　figure　that　did　not

exist　vitally；　made　him　mad；　beside　himself。

Now；　even　whilst　he　was　with　her；　this　death　of　himself　came

over　him；　when　he　walked　about　like　a　body　from　which　all

individual　life　is　gone。　In　this　state　he　neither　heard　nor　saw

nor　felt；　only　the　mechanism　of　his　life　continued。

He　hated　her；　as　far　as；　in　this　state；　he　could　hate。　His

cunning　suggested　to　him　all　the　ways　of　making　her　esteem　him。

For　she　did　not　esteem　him。　He　left　her　and　did　not　write　to

her。　He　flirted　with　other　women；　with　Gudrun。

This　last　made　her　very　fierce。　She　was　still　fiercely

jealous　of　his　body。　In　passionate　anger　she　upbraided　him

because；　not　being　man　enough　to