The Rainbow-虹(英文版)

第3部分 (第6/7頁)

and　emphasized　his　fear　of　what　was　within　himself。　He　was；

however；　in　a　few　days　going　about　again　in　his　own　careless；

happy…go…lucky　fashion；　his　blue　eyes　just　as　clear　and　honest

as　ever；　his　face　just　as　fresh；　his　appetite　just　as　keen。

Or　apparently　so。　He　had；　in　fact；　lost　some　of　his　buoyant

confidence；　and　doubt　hindered　his　outgoing。

For　some　time　after　this；　he　ore　conscious　when

he　drank；　more　backward　from　panionship。　The　disillusion　of

his　first　carnal　contact　with　woman；　strengthened　by　his　innate

desire　to　find　in　a　woman　the　embodiment　of　all　his

inarticulate；　powerful　religious　impulses；　put　a　bit　in　his

mouth。　He　had　something　to　lose　which　he　was　afraid　of　losing；

which　he　was　not　sure　even　of　possessing。　This　first　affair　did

not　matter　much：　but　the　business　of　love　was；　at　the　bottom　of

his　soul；　the　most　serious　and　terrifying　of　all　to　him。

He　was　tormented　now　with　sex　desire；　his　imagination

reverted　always　to　lustful　scenes。　But　what　really　prevented　his

returning　to　a　loose　woman；　over　and　above　the　natural

squeamishness；　was　the　recollection　of　the　paucity　of　the　last

experience。　It　had　been　so　nothing；　so　dribbling　and　functional；

that　he　was　ashamed　to　expose　himself　to　the　risk　of　a

repetition　of　it。

He　made　a　strong；　instinctive　fight　to　retain　his　native

cheerfulness　unimpaired。　He　had　naturally　a　plentiful　stream　of

life　and　humour；　a　sense　of　sufficiency　and　exuberance；　giving

ease。　But　now　it　tended　to　cause　tension。　A　strained　light　came

into　his　eyes；　he　had　a　slight　knitting　of　the　brows。　His

boisterous　humour　gave　place　to　lowering