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 is to live without him now: nothing so absurd; so weak as to drag on from day to day; as if I were waiting some impossible change in circumstances; which might reunite me to him。 Of course (as St。 John once said) I must seek another interest in life to replace the one lost: is not the occupation he now offers me truly the most glorious man can adopt or God assign? Is it not; by its noble cares and sublime results; the one best calculated to fill the void left by uptorn affections and demolished hopes? I believe I must say; Yes—and yet I shudder。 Alas! If I join St。 John; I abandon half myself: if I go to India; I go to premature death。 And how will the interval between leaving England for India; and India for the grave; be filled? Oh; I know well! That; too; is very clear to my vision。 By straining to satisfy St。 John till my sinews ache; I shall satisfy him—to the finest central point and farthest outward circle of his expectations。 If I do go with him— if I do make the sacrifice he urges; I will make it absolutely: I will throw all on the altar—heart; vitals; the entire victim。 He will never love me; but he shall approve me; I will show him energies he has not yet seen; resources he has never suspected。 Yes; I can work as hard as he can; and with as little grudging。

“Consent; then; to his demand is possible: but for one item—one dreadful item。 It is—that he asks me to be his wife; and has no more of a husband’s heart for me than that frowning giant of a rock; down which the stream is foaming in yonder gorge。 He prizes me as a soldier would a good weapon; and that is all。 Unmarried to him; this would never grieve me; but can I let him plete his calculations—coolly put into practice his plans—go through the wedding ceremony? Can I receive from him the bridal rin

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