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I was of the risks; the horrors; the loathings of incongruous unions—would have asked to marry me。 Disappointment made me reckless。 I tried dissipation—never debauchery: that I hated; and hate。 That was my Indian Messalina’s attribute: rooted disgust at it and her restrained me much; even in pleasure。 Any enjoyment that bordered on riot seemed to approach me to her and her vices; and I eschewed it。

“Yet I could not live alone; so I tried the panionship of mistresses。 The first I chose was Céline Varens—another of those steps which make a man spurn himself when he recalls them。 You already know what she was; and how my liaison with her terminated。 She had two successors: an Italian; Giacinta; and a German; Clara; both considered singularly handsome。 What was their beauty to me in a few weeks? Giacinta was unprincipled and violent: I tired of her in three months。 Clara indless; and unimpressible: not one whit to my taste。 I was glad to give her a sufficient sum to set her up in a good line of business; and so get decently rid of her。 But; Jane; I see by your face you are not forming a very favourable opinion of me just now。 You think me an unfeeling; loose…principled rake: don’t you?”

“I don’t like you so well as I have done sometimes; indeed; sir。 Did it not seem to you in the least wrong to live in that way; first with one mistress and then another? You talk of it as a mere matter of course。”

“It was with me; and I did not like it。 It was a grovelling fashion of existence: I should never like to return to it。 Hiring a mistress is the next worse thing to buying a slave: both are often by nature; and always by position; inferior: and to live familiarly with inferiors is degrading。 I now hate the recollection of the time I passed with Céline; Giacinta;

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