Sphere (深海圓疑) 原版小說

第51部分 (第4/7頁)

hilosophical　goal；　but　it　was　not　really　attainable。　Consciousness　was　like　a　pebble　that　rippled　the　surface　of　the　unconscious。　As　consciousness　widened；　there　was　still　more　unconsciousness　beyond。　There　was　always　more；　just　beyond　reach。　Even　for　a　humanistic　psychologist。

Stein；　his　old　professor：　〃You　always　have　your　shadow。〃

What　was　Norman's　shadow　side　doing　now？　What　was　happening　in　the　unconscious；　denied　parts　of　his　own　brain？　Nothing。　Keep　going　up。

He　shifted　uneasily　in　the　pilot's　chair。　He　wanted　to　go　to　the　surface　so　badly；　he　felt　such　conviction。　。。。

＇＇347＇＇　I　hate　Beth。　I　hate　Harry。　I　hate　worrying　about　these　people；　caring　for　them。　I　don't　want　to　care　any　more。　It's　not　my　responsibility。　I　want　to　save　myself。　I　hate　them。　I　hate　them。

He　was　shocked。　Shocked　by　his　own　thoughts；　the　vehemence　of　them。

I　must　go　back；　he　thought。　If　I　go　back　I　will　die。

But　some　other　part　of　himself　was　growing　stronger　with　each　moment。　What　Beth　had　said　was　true：　Norman　had　been　the　one　who　kept　saying　that　they　had　to　stay　together；　to　work　together。　How　could　he　abandon　them　now？　He　couldn't。　It　was　against　everything　he　believed　in；　everything　that　was　important　and　human。

He　had　to　go　back。

I　am　afraid　to　go　back。

At　last；　he　thought。　There　it　is。　Fear　so　strong　he　had　denied　its　existence；　fear　that　had　caused　him　to　rationalize　abandoning　the　others。

He　pressed　the　controls；　halting　his　ascent。　As　he　started　back　down；　he　saw　that　his　hands　were　shaking。

0130　HOURS

The　sub　came　to　rest　gently　on　the　bottom　beside　the　habitat。　Norman　stepped　into　the　submarine　airlock；　flooded　the　chamber。　Moments　later；　he　climbed　down　the　side　and　walked　toward　the　habi